Written in April 2020
The past few months have been a time of uncertainty, upheaval, reflection, living with the unknown, trusting, and flowing love for all of us. I count my blessings in health, my loved ones, the technology that enables us to connect and the ability to work from home. From my perspective, extremes are showing themselves in behaviours and situations, which are adding to an awful lot of noise out there, making life an emotional roller-coaster to navigate. Yet, there are gifts in the way barriers, armour, subterfuge, veils, spin and deceit are being stripped away.
Without detail or judgment, a pattern of upsetting behaviour from my landlady has peaked. It is not personal as she behaves this way with everybody and up until now, I have chosen not to tackle it, thereby allowing it. Over the last three years, I have reassured family and friends that I can handle it and prided myself on being able to slip under her radar. There was a moment recently when all veils were stripped away and it was clear that enough was enough. I see it as a gift from lockdown.
My research and exploring online led me to a landlord who is professional, thoughtful and listens. When I found him and we spoke over the telephone, I kept the details brief, he asked insightful questions, pondered and made a suggestion. He felt the original place I was enquiring about was not right for me. However, there was a home his company are currently renovating and he suggested I could view it in our allocated thirty minutes a day outside for exercise, as it was empty.
It is self-contained, private, spacious, light-filled, with its own South facing walled garden, space to create, work and write, in a lovely area with a thriving community, all amenities within walking distance including the Irish Sea, nearer to my buddies and quiet. As I looked around and discovered all it had to offer, my heart started a joyful song. Afterwards, I sat outside in the car and rang him, when he caught my delighted gratitude and I felt his.
I can move on my own, observing social distancing and not putting anyone else at risk and that will happen in just under a month's time.
Staying here and not tackling things out of fear, blocked so much and I can see that now. I used to call this 'my happy bubble' being next to the water and with the loving connections of neighbours. Nothing happens in isolation and with me thinking I could handle it, that draining energy leaked into everything and the air in my bubble became unhealthy. I have always said to those who seek my help that when a change is needed then life will squeeze you within that situation, till you can see it. The way this has unfolded and the abundance that has started to flow from the flash of insight is humbling.
How others behave is their choice. How others feel about us is their business. How we react and the choices we make are ours.
I am grateful and flowing love to you all. <3