Connection Breakdown

Connection Breakdown

Written in September 2021

In our lives, aided by technology, information is shared in a heartbeat and judgment is rife. Labels are attached, assumptions are made and division and discord are created. We are all witnessing this unfolding on the world stage and closer to home.

It may be naive to ask that we care for each other and flow with kindness wherever we can, but never have we needed it more than now.

My way is to see a 'micro' event and then step back to see how this is playing out through the collective on a global scale. I sense and feel a loss of kindness and respect for each other and a ducking of personal responsibility that is breathtaking, especially by those in positions of power.

In my circle, I am witnessing a loving soul's character get intentionally shredded through a series of lies and unnecessary drama. It is hard to know how to handle the onslaught and aim for a loving resolution.

All any of us ask for in a connection with another, be it romantic, work and business-related, familial, friendship, neighbours and community, is to be seen and respected for who we are. Kindness is the energy that nurtures.

There are many reasons for the breakdown of established connections and these come under four categories: contempt, indifference, neglect and violence.

Contempt is the ultimate killer. To not show care in how we treat another and dismiss what matters to them, their opinions and choices, are all about showing contempt. To give someone the feeling they have no value.

Indifference is self-serving. Continually putting what matters to us above what matters to someone else is downgrading and undermines someone else. It is a drip-fed message of the other person not being important in any way.

Neglect is unkind and is about flowing little attention or respect to someone else.

Violence is not always about direct aggression. Micro-violence can be eye-rolling and sneering when someone else is talking and even turning our backs when they are asking to be heard or needing to be seen. Putting someone down publically or criticising them constantly is also linked to micro-violence.

Every one of these links back to unkindness and these ways of behaving can be even more prevalent in romantic relationships. The behaviour is carried out mainly behind closed doors because if the aggressor behaved like this at work or with anyone else publically, there would be immediate consequences. When a joint household and possibly children are in the mix, it can stay hidden.

Any individual can deliberately lie and point the finger of blame at another and this is an easy way to avoid taking responsibility. It's hard to own our own stuff, but projecting onto someone else helps no one.

In the last few years, we are witnessing things globally become unhidden and I feel that change is going to come from the grassroots level. It starts with how we treat each other and take personal responsibility.

Creating drama invites trouble and it is bound to accept, whereas kindness spreads love.

Jane Sturgeon

Jane Sturgeon

A civil funeral celebrant who covers Flintshire, Cheshire West & Chester and Wrexham, Wales. Jane publishes articles and ebooks and creates online courses on life and the challenges we all face.
Great Sutton, Cheshire, U.K.